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Would this bother you? Long but Please Read

Posted by tryingtobewise on April 2, 2005, at 22:32:55

This could be a bit long, because some history is needed. Thank you to anyone who will read this and respond. I have posted the basic (pre)story before and a few of you responded then, so if the first part of this post sounds familiar, you aren't imagining things...

Years ago I began counseling with a T who was very charming and likeable. Seemed to be an all around good guy. My husband started seeing him, and my best friend as well. Then we started comparing notes & found blaring inconsistencies between the things he told us. Also during that time, it was in our local newspaper that he was being disciplined by the Dept. of Health for sexual misconduct with a client (turned out he married her & she divorced/sued him), and that there were 5 other complaints lodged against him with the Dept. of Health (don't know what the nature of them were). He did address the newspaper article in our sessions...claimed he didn't know the particular misconduct rules, was a victim of attorney greed, etc. So pretty much after all of that the bloom was off the rose so to speak.

By and large my dh and I unofficially terminated. (Just stopped termination process.)

My friend continued a while longer and during one of her sessions with him, he asked if I was working. She said no, and he called & asked me if I would begin working for him part time as an office manager/A.A. I said yes. (I know this is illogical but it seemed exciting and like I was some sort of "chosen" one. Blech.) Note that this was only about 6 weeks since my last session with him...he didn't even know I'd quit.

Also during this time he went from being a regular counselor to a "Ph.D." Turns out he bought his PHD from an online/mail away spot. I'm not kidding.

I adjusted to working for him, and like my job (its been 4 1/2 years now), but always in the back of my mind feel a little bit "yucky" for participating in his boundary violation in hiring me (like it is my fault... but I tend to take these things on), many other very questionable things he does, his use of PHD, etc., etc., etc. (If anyone has read this far, I'm sure my ambivalence about my own situation, even though it is not romantic at all, contributed to my harsh response to Jadah's post above.)

Early on in my job with the Former T., I began therapy sessions with my psychiatrist (here after New T) who up until that point had just been doing med management. She has just been great. Not nearly as charismatic/slick as Former T now boss, but that is what I like about her. She is wise and sincere, and there is no showmanship involved. My Former T/Now Boss has a suite of offices that are basically opulant. Over-decorated & quite formal (we rent out the offices he doesn't use to other Ts). When I go to see the New T (new not being totally accurate as it has been about 4 years) I love that her office suite is plain, basic, functional, there is no pretense...or house built on sand as I think of my Former T/ Now Boss and his suite of offices.

So...what this is all getting to is that last week when I met with my New T. she mentioned she is moving her office this summer. Guess where she is moving??? To the office park I work in for Former T. It is a small size office park with about 4 one story buildings and 1 two story building. Our building is small, it is unlikely she will be in it, but wherever she is, she will be close by. She did not know this was the location where I worked and looked quite surprised and disturbed when I told her this.

Now I feel like: a) my safe ethical therapy venue is going to be lost b) all my therapy worlds...not to mention my work are going to be way too close together c)like it is my fault the potential for awkwardness exists if we do end up crossing paths there d)like neither my therapy place or my work place are going to be "mine" anymore.

I know this is irrational. I really do. I only go to therapy once every 3 weeks, and I only work 3 mornings a week. I'm sure I will get over this change but right now I'm sulking.

As I mentioned above she looked shocked & distressed when I told her I worked what did I do? I tried to smooth things over to make her think I was fine with it...told her the office park management is great, the place is well maintained, etc. I think maybe she should have been trying to make sure I was ok with it instead of me comforting her. Already I feel bad and guilty, like I'm sort of stalker, and I'm not even the one making the move!!!

Why was I trying to make her feel better?

Ok, if you've read this far I am amazed & thankful. If you have any ideas/insights/etc., about whether or not I'm being irrational, or how I can make myself ok with this, I will be so greatful!

Thank you,




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