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Re: Oh, and... Dinah

Posted by alexandra_k on April 1, 2005, at 21:11:48

In reply to Re: Oh, and... alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on April 1, 2005, at 19:23:21

> It's weird to think of myself that way. I guess self image takes a while to change.

Yeah. I think it does. I still feel like an overgrown kid much of the time. I was tall for my age and I shot up first. I always feel like I am overgrown and tower over people even though peoples have (mostly) all caught up now.

And I still feel like peoples would prefer that I wasn't around much of the time. Even sometimes on places like Babble where I rationally know that just isn't true.

> I must have learned a lot of those things on the board, or maybe in therapy. Probably Babble.

Probably both. IRL too. Don't underestimate the power of that. And in communicating with your son and your husband.

> I wonder if I'll ever be able to see myself as anything but the geeky scapegoated kid that no one wanted to sit next to.

I hope so Dinah. I'd sit next to you anyday. But I might have to jump over all the other Babblers to get there ;-)

> I don't count my daughter skills. Being able to take the emotional temperature, decide when to hide and when to tease and cajole, figuring out how to present one parent's behaviors in a way that were acceptable to the other when necessary and when it was in my best interests - those weren't social skills per se. I was always good at being a daughter. :(

'Daughter skills'. Hmm. I get what you mean. That stuff is reminding me of what Linehan had to say about different forms of invalidating environments. You supressed / ignored your needs for their sake, Dinah. They sort of are social skills 'keeping the peace' etc etc. But I guess they aren't really 'skills'... They were useful to you at the time to make the situation manageable... But I don't know.

Do you still feel like you have to do that stuff a lot???




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