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Re: Dinah

Posted by sunny10 on March 18, 2005, at 9:22:19

In reply to Re: no worries, (Dinah, please read, too), posted by Dinah on March 17, 2005, at 20:16:25

I read another thread where you just added some info about a good psychology book and you seem to be suggesting that you have found that you see yourself in "dependecy"- just not in the passive sense.

Could it possibly be just that you only allow yourself to be dependent on your T with passive expectations (and no one else) about your needs being met and that you were just surprised when he treated you like the non-passive person you present to the rest of the world? Could it be that he realized that he slipped up by not being the person that he knows you need him to be right now, thus the apology?

It may be that he is feeling that you are healing and treated you that way; then realized that maybe YOU don't realize that you may not be as dependent on him as much as you used to be (?).

I get that a lot, actually, so I may be totally projecting here... But I have been told often that I "only THINK I need help"- that I am actually fine and can manage on my own. That only my fears hold me back and that if I can learn to control fear, I can control all of the rest of my reactions/feelings.

Of course, my fears are what make me not believe them, so it is a slightly amusing cycle that I create in therapy. (that is, when I'm detached enough to look at myself and laugh)

I don't know if I've made any sense, here, my thoughts are going in circles, but they all hinge on the fact that you seem to be thinking of him more as his own person and less as a T that you need to depend on. And since he is also "mommy", this is slightly alarming.

Most of the people that I know who were raised by loving, caring parents had to learn to "leave the nest" when they went off to college- or to go straight to the working world. They tell me that they had some anxiety, some feelings of sadness about leaving their parents behind, but their parents helped them with those feelings and helped them start their own lives.

I'm not sure about you, but I never had that. I was sent to boarding school when I didn't want to go. I was angry and resentful with my parents, and they were angry and resentful with me(which is why they had sent me away to begin with- they assumed I was into drugs and alcohol which I have never been. Hmm... maybe that why they freak ME out so much...Something else to think about). So I have never felt that normal, healthy letting go. I think this is why I have such a dependent personality and a fear of abandonment.

It never ceases to amaze me how, when we try to help each other see things from a different angle, we almost always think of things that we ourselves need to examine on another level for our own growth!

Maybe some of us are truly are ready to "leave the nest" but are feelings those same anxious and feelings of sadness to leave loved ones behind...

An interesting prospect to ponder... If it's not true for you- maybe it's true for me because it came up in my mind when I thought about your situation from my perspective...

Sorry for the complex post. It's obviously not a genius piece of writing, but I couldn't think of other ways to say what was milling around in my mind...


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poster:sunny10 thread:471999
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050315/msgs/472414.html