Posted by daisym on February 19, 2005, at 18:43:43
In reply to Re: Emotional Abandonment (long) » daisym, posted by LG04 on February 18, 2005, at 2:41:52
Thank you for writing all of that for me. I've read it several times and I nod my head and say, "yes, said that. Yup, that too." It felt so good to see myself reflected so completely and to see your positive outcome. I know it took a long while to write it all down but it means a lot to me.
I'm glad you found a therapist who could hold you and go through all of this with you. It is really hard to understand why anyone would allow you to tell them all of the awful details and want to feel the feelings with you, but it feels so essential...and each twist and turn brings new fears and new exposure. I feel just like you described, "is this the thing that will change your mind about me? OR this...or this...?"
I had one of those adult to adult conversation with him on Friday. I said, "isn't it hard to listen to all of this?" He said, "yes, sometimes. But only because I know how much pain you were in and are still in. Isn't it hard for you too?" He went on to say that he works hard to keep his emotional capacity healthy and sometimes that is easier to do with some clients than with others. But if he was closing down, or needed a break, he strongly suspected that I would sense it before he did, given my radar.
I'm not there yet about vacations. I'm so impressed with your ability to not see it as an abandonment and to keep your fears in check as to her returning. I told my therapist that I recognized that he needed vacations to recoup and stay strong for me. But that it still wasn't OK with me that he went away...:)
Thank you for your belief that I will find the peace you have. I get it for a few days at a time now, so perhaps it is coming.
Take good care.