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Feeling some pressure

Posted by Skittles on February 18, 2005, at 17:14:16

Therapy has continued to be a struggle. I've still been sitting mute a good deal of the time and have not been able to say much at all about the csa. My therapist has started sitting with me on the sofa and that has been extremely helpful. We've also noticed that I seem to be able to open up a bit more at the end of a session.

My T told me yesterday that she feels very torn about pushing me. On the one hand, she doesn't want me to talk when I don't want to or am not ready, but on the other she said it's clear that I am living a tortured existence and she is becoming increasingly worried about me. She suggested scheduling one or some (I'm not really sure how many she intends) double sessions. I told her that part of me really wanted to do that but it also felt like a *lot* of pressure to perform on demand, so to speak. She said she thought I might need that pressure. I wouldn't agree to it and she asked me to think about it. Well, think I did and I left a message this morning saying I would do it.

Well, apparently my therapist really jumped on this. I got a call from her secretary this afternoon and, to my surprise (and dismay, I might add), my Monday morning appointment is now two hours long!!! I am so terrified and anxious. I didn't expect it to get scheduled so quickly and just don't know if I am really able to do this. It has been suggested that I write, but these things I just cannot put to paper. There is something about having it printed on paper and carrying it with me that is simply too much to bear. How do I get through this??


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poster:Skittles thread:460083
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050218/msgs/460083.html