Posted by vwoolf on February 18, 2005, at 13:02:36
In reply to VWoolf, posted by Susan47 on February 18, 2005, at 12:31:39
Thanks Susan and Sunny, I don't know why men do this to us. I know that I have spent a large part of my life pampering his every need (you have no idea to what extent - it seems impossible when I look at it objectively, but I won't go into detail), and now that I am beginning to try and find a small space for myself he is totally enraged and violent. We saw our couple's T yesterday, and after I spoke about what is happening she said she wants to see just him in therapy without me. I never really understand what T's are thinking, but she evidently thinks we are not even beginning to function as a couple. I feel very relieved that he will now be in therapy, and that his T knows my fears.
My T said that now would be a bad time to leave unless it gets really dangerous, because she feels we are still very enmeshed. Whatever that means. I trust her (also because I don't understand what is going on) and have to take her advice. She said that I started therapy not because I wanted a divorce but because I wanted to sort myself out. If it ends in divorce that's ok, but she wants to help me sort myself out first. Otherwise I will drag this one on and on, or go into another relationship and do the same. Which sort of makes sense, so I am doing what she says. But it's hard and scary.