Posted by littleone on February 7, 2005, at 15:26:21
In reply to Doing a runner, posted by littleone on February 6, 2005, at 21:19:26
Sorry about yesterday. I was pretty panicked and upset.
The funny thing is that I posted those two posts straight after each other without even realising how connected they are. On my way home yesterday, I realised that by confronting my dad, I'd be losing my protector (my T) because it's him throwing me to the lion. I felt much better when this dawned on me.
I have no need to run now.
I probably painted my T in a really bad way in my last post. I can't really remember my session now to know if his shoves were as hard as I said they were. I am pretty sensitive, so they may have felt a lot harder than what they were. I think he switched to cards just after that talk, so he probably knew it was time to stop pushing. I don't know, I can't remember.
I know he would never force me to confront my dad. He'd leave the decision up to me and accept it either way. But I can tell he really thinks it would be helpful.
I've been pretty cut off from my dad for the last couple of years. So all those bad points I wrote out were of how I knew him up til then. Back in November, I called my dad to say I was skipping Christmas and he was like a different person. He was so caring and thoughtful and concerned for me. He answered some questions I had about when I was really little. He was really willing to talk and open up.
But it kind of scared the socks off me because it was so unlike him. He's never been like that before. My T thinks that maybe my dad is ready to think about why his marriage broke up and his family cut him off and whatnot.
And it's kind of hard to argue against a maybe like that when I haven't really dealt with my dad in so long.
One thing's for sure. I'll be taking teensy tiny ant steps around this.
poster:littleone
thread:451102
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050206/msgs/454430.html