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Re: My dad (csa trigger), Daisy

Posted by sunny10 on February 4, 2005, at 9:13:05

In reply to Re: My dad (csa trigger) littleone, posted by daisym on February 4, 2005, at 0:39:36

daisy, honey?

It is hard enough for most men I know to say they are sorry that they forgot to pick up the milk on the way home, much less that they acted in a morally inexcusable way. Your dad IS a different person than he was back then, but you'd be the luckiest survivor in the history of man if you got him to admit he acted shamefully with you and your sister. I hope that you realize how lucky you are that you know about your younger sister; that is a HUGE validation that a lot of survivors do not have. And are you as hard on your little sis as you are on you? Was it somehow her fault, too? I really don't think so.

And your mom? IF she did know the whole time and did nothing, then I can guarantee she was afraid of him. And you are STILL allowed to be mad at her. She was supposed to be your first and foremost protector. Unfortunately, she was human.

Only your T and you can figure out whether you need to forgive them or not. But without question, you need to forgive little daisy. She didn't tell because she was terrified by all that "life" had shown her so far. Try to be her mother, get angry on her behalf. Maybe write a letter to her telling her what you would have done to save her if you had been there as an adult at the time. Try to give yourself permission to save her now, because she's still living in that hell, even though the outsides have matured.

I have done this. I continue to do this from time to time. It helps me. I hope that it helps you. If it doesn't, try other ways.

And, yes, in my opinion, therapy does get easier- but not without doing the hard stuff... I did it "easy" for YEARS.... But when I started putting my emotions down to the grindstone and actually did the work, it seemed to get much easier as I went along. (hmmm, partly bcause I didn't fight it as much? Boy, you've really got me thinking....)





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