Posted by pinkeye on February 2, 2005, at 13:23:23
In reply to T's wording keeps distance, posted by Speaker on February 1, 2005, at 22:12:47
He is doing his job. Nothing more and nothing less. It would probably feel good if he treats you as a friend and offer help of his own etc or do things for you without you asking for him - but the way he is now, in the long run he is teaching you to be self reliant. I think you should appreciate him for that. And you have others who are what they are - friends - only they need to be proactive in offering you help - not him.
If he comes to your rescue everytime, you will get overly dependant on him and will expect him to do it for you always. Which is good neither for him and nor for you. So even if it is a little hard to take it now, do know that he is doing the best thing for you.
If he were totally un empathetic that would be a different story. But you have said he sounds sincere.
> My T uses wording that keeps him very distant for me. I know its my problem but I don't know if I should bring it up or should I just try to work through my feelings? He will say "I'm willing if you want to check in on Wednesday's" or I hope you know "I'm willing to call you back if you leave a message on my machine". I know I should be able to move past this but I struggle to feel like he is sincere. My first husband was terminally ill for several years and my daughter was chritically injured and had a year in the hospital. I could tell the people that truely wanted to help and they weren't the people that said: "Call me if you need me" and "I'm willing to help if you tell me what to do". I was so tired I couldn't think let alone think of things for other people to do. They were "willing" but the people that were sincere were the ones that mowed the lawn when they saw it was long or the woman that said I'm not very good at talking but I will be by on Sunday to get your laundry and will be returning it on Wednesdays. They weren't just willing they were doing! Is this just my problem or should I believe my heart and know he is just doing his job???