Posted by Dinah on February 2, 2005, at 0:51:35
In reply to T's wording keeps distance, posted by Speaker on February 1, 2005, at 22:12:47
Forgive me for not remembering the basics here. How long have you been seeing him? How is your general relationship?
I agree that laying it out as a When you... I feel... is probably the wisest choice. I often learn interesting things when I do that with my therapist.
He was guilty of similar behavior, BTW. I learned by asking that he had been taken advantage of in the past and was wary of being taken advantage of in the future. It wasn't really personal on his part. It was just his style. When he thought about it, he realized that I *wouldn't* do that, and in fact I haven't. He tries harder now, but he still falls short on occasions, and his phone contact often does as much harm as good, or more.
But he does care, in general.
That doesn't mean every therapist does, for whatever reasons of their own.
If you globally get the feeling that he doesn't care... Oh drat. I globally got that feeling too, and in the end we did hammer out a caring relationship. I am just no good at telling when something is better ditched than kept.