Posted by CareBear04 on January 27, 2005, at 15:03:51
In reply to Re: Please let me know how you are » pinkeye, posted by lonelygal2 on January 26, 2005, at 20:42:23
i've been away for the past week and am just now catching up on this thread.
i'm sooo sorry that things have been the way they are. your ex-t sounds like one i had last year. i hated him and hated his threats of involuntarily hospitalizing me or calling my school to tell them i'm not ok to come back. threats are not the way to go. i agree with you about not signing contracts. i've never signed because i don't make promises i can't keep, and when i'm as bad off as you are, i can't trust that i can keep a promise not to hurt myself. i also think that suicide is such a huge thing that the person who is considering it has a lot more on her mind and a lot bigger betrayals to consider than one little contract. and i hate that your ex-t forced you to sign the contract or else formally terminate. she's the one who dumped you, and i feel like she's so scared of litigation that she's forcing you to do things that you shouldn't have to do. recently, i was in the hospital, and they caught me off guard and told me they would discharge me the next morning. i was super-pissed and refused to stay another night. they tried to make me sign out against medical advice, and i just laughed at them because they were kicking me out, and there was no way in hell i would take on their responsibility and absolve their risk as well as my own. i'm so sorry that this ex-t hurt you and then tried to cover her own *ss. i guess that's why students should be supervised, but i guess the system failed in your case.
please, please don't take it to mean that no one can help you. my best friend said to me once when i was ready to die that just because one person can't help you, that doesn't mean that no one can. there IS someone who can meet your needs, but i know it's frustrating to keep looking while still missing your old T and pdoc.
as far as thinking of the people worse off than you-- i know the person who said that didn't mean to insult you, but i would take it personally, too. your problems are huge and important; they're not trivial. there are surely people in the world who have immediate physical needs and needs for safety from others, and it's definitely tragic and worth thinking about, but your needs are important in an immediate and different way, and they deserve consideration and attention as much as any other person. a life lost or a person suffering is important, whether it's someone starving in another country or someone materially blessed but suffering nonetheless. don't think that you're selfish or ungrateful! you're not! just focus on feeling better! you can't do anything to help other peoples' suffering until you feel better yourself.
sending you lots of hope and good wishes.