Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

Re: Conscious, unconscious and the grey in between » Shortelise

Posted by fallsfall on January 4, 2005, at 12:30:41

In reply to Re: Conscious, unconscious and the grey in between » fallsfall, posted by Shortelise on January 4, 2005, at 11:54:42

Thanks for your wonderful response!
>
> Maybe at 16, it is time for your daughter to make her own decisions on some things. Could it be that she needs to be late so she can blame that for whatever failures she is experiencing?

She is doing fine in the class. She tends to be 30 seconds after the bell.
>
> If she was my kid, honestly, I'd tell her if she loses history, she loses her car. I don't care if she has to take buses or cadge rides from friends in the blue cold dead of winter. I'd sell that car if she screws up History. Or remove whatever part it is they remove in the movies so it won't start, give the part to your best friend for safe keeping, and park the thing in the garage until next fall. Or sell it. I'd sell it.
>
This is tempting, but somehow long term agony for her doesn't feel like it would be helpful. That would just make her angry, and hopeless. I did tell her that she couldn't drive the last 2 weeks in December - those are the 2 weeks she was tardy 6 times. Didn't seem too effective. She and I are big into power struggles. She is the only person I know who is as stubborn as I am.

> Is it possible that your therapist really doesn't know what you should do? Mine often doesn't, but he helps me think it through. Have you tried "role playing"?
>
He freely admits that he doesn't know what to do about my daughter. What he *does* know (and he is right) is that what I've been doing doesn't work. Right now, his focus (I think) is more on teaching me how to change direction in the middle - to *say* "this isn't working, I need to do something else" than it is on getting her to be on time. And I can't say that I disagree with him on those priorities. Continuing what I was doing was doomed.

> Are you both having the same struggle?
>
"Both" meaning my therapist and me or my daughter and me? Either could be interesting...

> The thing about choosing to be depressed, yikes. That's a place where the conscious vs. the unconscious in living colour! I am watching my mother choose depression, she's 70+

My sympathy to you and to your mother. Sounds like she sees things as hopeless.
>
> Maybe your daughter is angry at you.

I know that she is. That's one reason we went to a therapist together, but she isn't ready to admit that she is angry.

>
> What would happen if you told her that you would make a change if she would change her tardy behavior? What if you were to ask her what drives her the most crazy, like, I don't know, some sort of depressed behavior of yours - or something that bugs her. Not anything as broad as "stop being depressed" but something more specific. Maybe she could give you a choice between a few things.
>
I don't think so, I think that would make her feel like she was responsible for *my* progress. I don't want to place that burden on her.

> I am tempted to delete a bunch of this long message, but I guess no one is obliged to read it in its entirety.

I'm so glad you didn't delete it!
>
> Good luck with this. One thing I do wonder is what is the consequence of her losing her history credit? Is there any possibility she could want whatever it is?

She will have to take the semester over next year. She has to pass this class to graduate. I don't think she is afraid to graduate - she is talking about college etc. US History is not her favorite subject, I can't imagine that she *wants* to take it again!

Thanks,
Falls.

 

Thread

 

Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post


Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.

 

Start a new thread

 
Google
dr-bob.org www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for
in

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:fallsfall thread:437567
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041228/msgs/437650.html