Posted by Shortelise on January 4, 2005, at 11:54:42
In reply to Re: Conscious, unconscious and the grey in between » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on January 4, 2005, at 11:21:20
Hm. I learn things so often here.
First of all, my shrink has had to tell me things point blank sometimes. Ouch, But he mostly seems to pick his moments carefully so I am receptive. Mostly. He has screwed up. We still disagree about the one time he told me something when I was in an awful state and it felt way more destructive than helpful.
I was always "tardy" in school.
I really feel for you - I find myself saying that a lot here at psychobabble, but it's true as often as I say it. This must be incredibly frustrating.
Maybe at 16, it is time for your daughter to make her own decisions on some things. Could it be that she needs to be late so she can blame that for whatever failures she is experiencing?
If she was my kid, honestly, I'd tell her if she loses history, she loses her car. I don't care if she has to take buses or cadge rides from friends in the blue cold dead of winter. I'd sell that car if she screws up History. Or remove whatever part it is they remove in the movies so it won't start, give the part to your best friend for safe keeping, and park the thing in the garage until next fall. Or sell it. I'd sell it.
Is it possible that your therapist really doesn't know what you should do? Mine often doesn't, but he helps me think it through. Have you tried "role playing"?
Are you both having the same struggle?
The thing about choosing to be depressed, yikes. That's a place where the conscious vs. the unconscious in living colour! I am watching my mother choose depression, she's 70+ and I am nearly 50. She chooses to see the glass is half empty, chooses not to not to do the things that would make her feel better. She is isolating herself socially, and gives in instead of expressing her opinion. She is passive aggressive to an extreme. She repeats to herself over and over why she CAN'T do things. Her mantra at the moment is that she is going senile. She is no more senile than I am. It's her greatest fear, and because she is isolating herself, has little social contact, never does anything that challenges her mind, and spends her time obsessing. Well, there's your classic self-fulfilling prophecy. She is so full of donkey dookey. It makes me angry.
Maybe your daughter is angry at you.
What would happen if you told her that you would make a change if she would change her tardy behavior? What if you were to ask her what drives her the most crazy, like, I don't know, some sort of depressed behavior of yours - or something that bugs her. Not anything as broad as "stop being depressed" but something more specific. Maybe she could give you a choice between a few things.
I am tempted to delete a bunch of this long message, but I guess no one is obliged to read it in its entirety.
Good luck with this. One thing I do wonder is what is the consequence of her losing her history credit? Is there any possibility she could want whatever it is?
ShortE
poster:Shortelise
thread:437567
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041228/msgs/437638.html