Posted by Aphrodite on January 1, 2005, at 11:02:02
In reply to Re: the pattern » Aphrodite, posted by Dinah on January 1, 2005, at 9:08:01
> Because many of us are more perceptive than the average bear. That's when it's helpful to talk it over time and time again, and find out what is behind the kernel of truth that we perceive.
I think you hit the nail on the head. I believe I am very intuitive. It is one of the few "gifts" I think a trauma person has -- I can sense goodness or danger in others and react accordingly. I think I can really tell when others are hiding or being untruthful. So, he sometimes tries to be very therapist-y and "above the fray" but I can tell he is really thinking something else. I keep pushing, as you say, and the truth often leaks out.
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> Years after that he admitted that a) he didn't want to encourage or create ego states that didn't exist before therapy and b) he had MPD burnout having had several in his caseload shortly before seeing me. It was so much a relief to hear him admit that.This is interesting because I have an underlying feeling of resentment that my T "created" this pathology in me of ego states. When we first started discussing my problems in this way, I was mortified and thought I sounded "crazy" when, in fact, I was trying to promote myself as perfectly fine and normal. As we worked with it, the truth of the existence of this problem was so overwhelming that I could no longer accuse him of the creation, and he worked very hard to normalize it in light of my life circumstances, and make it as bearable and acceptable as possible. Interesting that the two of you had the reverse experience. Admitting that he had a lot of DID experience does explain things. Did he ever admit that yours did, in fact, exist prior to therapy?
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> One of the things I like best about my therapist is his unflappability. He flares into anger occasionally, but he's open and receptive to whatever I say and whatever me shows up to therapy. He doesn't even skip a beat. I think it would be very distressing to me if he were very emotional. But I'm sure to other people, it is very validating to have a therapist who empathizes so. Particularly if the therapist is expressing things that they can't.
>This is my catch-22. My T will ALWAYS skip a beat, but that's him. It sounds nice, though, to be free to be honest. Yet, your last line is where I need the help most. Since he is 100% "in it" with me emotionally speaking, he can not only express what I do not yet have language for, but he often also says that he is feeling what I am feeling. He says, "It's feeling hard for me to breathe listening to this. Is that what you're experiencing?" Or, "I'm getting tense in my muscles around my neck, are you?" And he is usually always right. And then he'll lead me through some breathing exercises or tell me to stretch to help with the somatic experiences as I speak. And since I am so frozen and stoic, his participation helps get me through the rougher sessions.
poster:Aphrodite
thread:433059
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041228/msgs/436321.html