Posted by AdaGrace on December 9, 2004, at 7:36:16
In reply to Exorcism, and My Mistake, posted by Susan47 on December 7, 2004, at 12:47:25
Dearest Sweet Susan,
With realization, comes pain, and with pain come release. Releasing the soul is a hard hard thing to do. I feel as if many times I have no soul. It was awakened one day in October 4 years ago when I met someone with wit, humor, love, understanding, and compasion. But alas, I could not make it work. I was affraid, I was lazy, I was non-commital (sp?) Anyhoo, I felt uphoria for the first time in my life. Much more than the day I met my H, and more than the day each of my children were born. This made me selfish, I wanted that feeling more and more and more, until I was ready to give up everything else, even my sanity. It's sad when you realize that you are addicted to love. Addicted to uphoria. Addicted to attention. For that is really what I was craving. Attention. I got it, and then I craved it more and more. It almost ruined me. Giving up my soul was part of the plan. Reaching inside me and opening up my wounds letting them heal partway and then finding another place to cut. It's hard when you realize that what you had is over. It's much easier to live in the fog of rememberance. Easier to have a brownie and be happy. Much harder to work, live, and suffer.
Ada, thinking of finding a brownie recipe, Grace
poster:AdaGrace
thread:425738
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041203/msgs/426619.html