Posted by LG04 on November 27, 2004, at 11:10:22
In reply to Re: My T drove by MY apartment.... » BigFish, posted by shrinking violet on November 26, 2004, at 21:12:55
I would be very upset if my therapist drove by my apartment. To me, it would suggest some kind of neediness on her part towards me. I would feel very violated as well.
I have read about all your struggles with your therapist over the past months, including the post you wrote below. I am not in your shoes and I don't know everything about your relationship with her. I don't usually like to give straight out advice or opinions. But as you asked for feedback, I do want to say that it doesn't sound very healthy to me. And I don't think it's your fault. I think it's the therapist's job to regulate the relationship (boundaries, etc.) and to give you a feeling of safety and of being protected (emotionally). Sometimes the therapist even has to protect the client from the therapist him/herself. It has always seemed to me that your therapist has poor boundaries and a lot of neediness towards you and this would be terribly confusing and guilt-causing and so many things, and it would definitely make for an unhealthy therapeutic relationship (not to mention that it would be difficult to open up to her...it makes so much sense that it's hard for you to express yourself in therapy).
Personally I was relieved when I saw that you left your therapist. I know that it was a difficult decision. At the time I wasn't in a place at all to be able to write on this forum, I have been going thru so much with leaving my own therapist (not to mention moving to a different country and starting my entire life over). So I am sorry that I didn't express my support for your decision at the time.
I don't know if this is helpful or not, what I can say is that it's honest. It's hard to trust ourselves when we know that we have so many issues and we always ask, is it her, or is it me? Even here on Babble, we have different opinions about your relationship with her. But I get very uneasy feelings from what you write about her (my therapist tells me that I am very good about noticing the second i feel that someone is crossing my boundaries...). None of this is to say that she doesn't care about you or anything like that. It's just to say that, in my humble opinion, she seems to have way too many issues that she needs to work thru and she puts a lot of them on you and that is terribly unfair. I'm sure she isn't doing it intentionally. But your job is to protect yourself, not her. It should be her job too, and she's not doing it.
I know this is strong, I guess I've been reading your posts for a while without responding so it's all coming out in this one post.
Whatever you decide to do, I support you. It's very difficult to leave a therapist no matter what, and especially because there usually are also good things to say about them and real feelings of caring, etc. It's not all bad. And I don't dislike your therapist. I just think that overall, she's not good for you and that you deserve someone better able to separate herself from you and focus on your needs and your needs only. Otherwise, yes, I believe therapy can be damaging. (or unhelpful at best)
Again, just my opinion!