Posted by B2Chica on November 19, 2004, at 14:58:45
ok, haven't seen or talked with ANYONE since my last SA in early sept.
pushed all down, fine....but not.
"interviewed' with what seemed like 100 since. but,
Finally saw one...and talked at length with him...i actually think he "get's it" (meaning me and my processing/artistic/depth..ness)
especially after today (2nd visit-did some testing -for those interested MCMI, small IQ bty, and Rorchach-sp?)part of me is scared-TO-DEATH, to start all this over again. the other part is like YES, Finally. then of course the calm me, saying -it needs to be done, just do it-get it done and then i can move on.
So.
i think i got one. (of course this happens right around holidays...he'll be out all next week so i can't see him till week after, but then go from there. (test results and discussion of tx plan).
*******************so all is good right? i've got this NAGGING skeptic part of me that's saying he's going to hurt me. he'll rip me apart and leave me out to be open and in pain. (this is what scares me). Right at this moment i feel VERY aggressive and strong and 'know' i can handle it and pick myself back up. but i know once i (if i'm truthful) start talking i may sink back into that "state', that fuge type state of depresssion and utter despair.
Guess i'm just writing this all to vent, both happiness, fear, and...well...maybe wanting some warm fuzzy's/reassurance that starting this painful process all again is a good thing...
B2c.
poster:B2Chica
thread:417967
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041113/msgs/417967.html