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Re: Discouraged, feeling selfish » Aphrodite

Posted by littleone on October 31, 2004, at 21:09:00

In reply to Discouraged, feeling selfish, posted by Aphrodite on October 30, 2004, at 12:58:07

I've got so much I want to write to you, I'll probably forget half of it, but here goes.

Firstly, please remember that even if someone doesn't post a supportive response for months and months and months, there are always their past responses sitting in the archives, just waiting for people to stumble upon them and rediscover the support and kindness and helpfulness contained within. It's like a great big bank of support. And you've got a pretty big balance just sitting in there waiting for a rainy day.

Secondly, I was so moved by your post. I am in exactly the same position. Your post could have been written by me, except mine wouldn't say "I've spent a lot of time just talking about..." because I still don't talk in therapy. I just write. And even that contains a lot of coded stuff that my T hasn't figured out how to decipher yet. Boy, is he gonna get a shock when he finally cracks THAT code ;)

Anyway, I find it helpful to write out for my T a list of things to talk about at-some-undefined-point-in-time. It will just be a list of one word prompts, so I don't have to delve into or think about any of them. And if you do it pretty fast, there's not enough time for any of them to be triggering. Plus, being just one word, I don't feel like I'm giving up my secrets, so it's a bit easier to hand that big bombshell list over to my T. Then during a session, he may ask about one of them and I'll tell him a couple of sentences. Then 3 sessions down the track I might mention it in passing and he'll get a few more sentences out of me. Sometimes I think I'm doing turtle therapy.

Re where to start, I find the best things to concentrate on are either items jumping up in my face saying "me, me, me" or items desparately trying to run and hide. I know that with abuse, most of the items will be run away and hide ones, but if you are honest with yourself, you will *know* which ones you desparately DON'T want to deal with. THEY are the ones you *need* to deal with. But that doesn't mean you can't use some easier ones as warm ups ;)

I'm currently reading a book called "Adult Children of Abusive Parents: A Healing Program for Those Who Have Been Physically, Sexually, or Emotionally Abused" by Steven Farmer. I find it very difficult to read (can only get through a page or so at a time - it upsets me a lot) and the dialogue in the examples is pretty corny, but it is a wonderful book (trust me - I've certainly read way more than my fair share of psych books). You may care to check it out.

 

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URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041026/msgs/409807.html