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Re: Safety » underthecs

Posted by Pfinstegg on October 29, 2004, at 21:41:25

In reply to Safety, posted by underthecs on October 28, 2004, at 21:16:19

I think you described what safety is very well. I guess it could be called *secure attachment* just as easily. It can be so hard for some of us to find it in therapy, whereas others just seem to naturally have it right from the beginning. I'm one of the people who has had to work really hard with my therapist to gain a feeling of safety with him. I've had many lonely, horrible sessions when I can hardly sense that he's in any way there for me, although I am always longing for that. Lately, we have spent many sessions on just those things- the moment to moment interactions with him- and how the adult and child *me's* keep moving from feelings of abandonment and hopelessness to ones of joyful connection. The connection part is quite new!

Going back to what I learned from the conference with Dr. Allan Schore, about a month ago: his way of thinking about this was that as the isolated unconscious parts of us, which carry the memories of childhood pain, neglect and abuse, begin to come in contact with the mind of the therapist, who, for his/her part is trying to hold all of our memories and feelings in his mind, so as to be really present with us, things begin to change in our brains- we grow new connections from the deepest parts of our right hemispheres, where the pain and memories reside,to the highest parts in the frontal cortex, which can make intuitive connections of all sorts with the therapist. (LONG sentence!).The result is safety, inner calmness and a secure attachment! Anyway, wherever we each have to start, that is the healing experience we all want and need to have.

I am feeling so happy, right now, because I left a Friday appointment knowing I was really connected to my analyst. It felt so wonderful. Best of all, the feeling is staying with me! This is just beginning to happen after 20 months of intense struggle on both our parts, so I hope my experience will give hope to everyone else who is also struggling with this. (To be realistic, I know I will gain and lose this sense of safety many, many times over the next months, but I'm so glad to be able to report that I've got it right now).


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poster:Pfinstegg thread:408593
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041026/msgs/408928.html