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Spouse is Bipolar - What Do I Do?

Posted by Lonely on October 15, 2004, at 0:37:19

My husband was recently (about 2 weeks ago) diagnosed as Bipolar II. While it was a relief to get a better diagnosis and the new med (Trileptal) seems to be better, I'm still frustrated and overwhelmed with him and what I find to be uncaring psychiatrist and therapists. Not to mention incompetent.

He was on antidepressants for 5 years - I see now that he was going more and more into rapid cycling during that time. He has extreme anger although it's mostly in the form of passive-aggressiveness. He has a history of closet alcoholism and drug abuse although I've never actually seen him use either one. He's very sneaky and outfoxed several psychiatrists and therapists. His therapist (an LMSW) told me that he didn't seem bipolar as he's always very mild mannered when he goes to therapy. As another therapist (now deceased) told me - he will never do anything that can be proven including past admitted attempts on my life.

So, I've read quite a lot on the internet and of course they suggest keeping a regular schedule, not upsetting him, making sure he takes his meds. But, hey, he needs to be confronted with his behavior and sick thinking. And that doesn't seem to be happening. Shouldn't they send us to some sort of therapy or counseling where I'm not going to be held to blame for his behavior despite his need to blame? He's so shrewd that I have refused couples counseling. I'm the opposite - tend to be very up front. He also has early stages of vascular dementia per psychiatrist and my opinion too.

I learned from Al-Anon and even open AA meetings that tough love is the way in alcoholism but in bi-polar treatment it seems to be very wishy-washy and I don't have any use for that. I really think it's important for me to keep my own schedule instead of trying to cater to his life and needs and whims. He's had 5 years of psychotheray with little improvement. My therapist tells me that his bipolarism combined with his characterology issues is a lethal combination. When will his psychiatrist and LMSW see that?




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