Posted by antigua on September 1, 2004, at 12:56:56
In reply to Re: My T Dilemma » antigua, posted by cubic_me on August 29, 2004, at 18:05:55
I didn't even want to go to my regular T today (I had made two appts at the same time w/my two different Ts and I chose to cancel the EMDR and go to the tough one!)but I went right in there and told her that I was uncomfortable in her new office/home and that I just didn't feel safe there at all, and how I had had the thought that I didn't need her anymore. She kind of looked at me a little startled and then plunged right in.
She said she had meant to discuss the door w/me because I had mentioned that I wanted to flee on the very first visit. She pointed out that we can't see outside yet because her new blinds haven't arrived yet (she has material covering the windows) and how very bright it is in her new office. I told her I felt trapped. And where did that all take me? Back to the white, bright bathroom (with no windows) with closed (maybe locked) doors (two of them)with my naked father preparing his bath, which I was to take w/him. It wasn't a new memory but a more complete understanding of it was triggered.
Then we discussed me not feeling comfortable walking through her home downstairs to her office. I told her it made her feel vulnerable to me, that the more I knew about her, the more I would worry about her, etc. I mentioned I was worried about someone breaking in on us, etc. and she asked what made this different from her old office? Perfectly logical question because there is no difference.
So off we went talking about my mother and how she moved us around a lot and told us everything would be fine, and it wasn't, and how things just got worse and worse until everything (our family) disintegrated into total nothingness and I was left alone again w/my father, 500 miles away from the rest of my family. So my T moving put my trust in her at risk again, even after all these years.
It was amazing. I never would have understand any of this if I hadn't brought up the fact that I was simply uncomfortable.
Thanks for reading; I appreciate so much everyone's help here. This is a great place.
antigua
poster:antigua
thread:383312
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040828/msgs/385258.html