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Re: taking Dr. Bob's advice...

Posted by AuntieMel on August 20, 2004, at 13:57:32

In reply to taking Dr. Bob's advice..., posted by JenStar on August 20, 2004, at 13:16:36

Wow, you are right, that was long!

Sorry I can't be as verbose, but here goes.

I was raised in a family where one of the parents (dad) was emotionally abusive. We were always belittled and nothing was ever good enough (98 on your math test? what did you do wrong) That said I am very (hyper) sensitive to any language that sounds belittling and want to do what I can to bring people together. Trying for the happy family I never had.

On the other hand, I enjoy a good, rational debate. One that sticks to topics and doesn't become personal. In high school (the early 70s) in a drug prevention class we 'debated' the pros and cons of smokin' dope. I first was put on the 'anti' side and pretty much had everyone convinced that drugs were evil. Then I was put on the 'pro' side and managed to convince them that there should be no drug laws.

Those types of things please me. BUT only if the other person feels the same way. If they don't, it for sure takes the fun out of it, 'cause I don't want to offend (see first large paragraph)

You mention posts that are non-emotional and non-supportive. I agree with the non-supportive part of it, but don't think you have to be emotional to give good feedback.

And I suspect that your irritation was more to do with past history than the actual post you were commenting on;) I mean, this thread was started by him, so he wasn't giving a non-supportive answer, right? Your reaction is completely understandable. The whole thing got entirely out of hand, and the confusion of the Chimp's visit made it much worse.

You aren't a mean person, and I don't think in this case you were showing a 'mean streak.' It seemed like a reaction to past hurts. If I was as hurt as you seemed to be then I know I'd end up getting blocked for life, so I think you did show some restraint!

Personally (I admait I could be wrong) I think a lot of this started with things reading differently than intended. And it grew like an unstoppable avalanche. But now that we're at the bottom of the mountain, maybe we can all look up?

And, hey, if you really want to try to get along with him in the future, it wouldn't hurt to (cautiously) offer an olive branch, would it? If nothing else, it'll make you feel better.

Oh, crud. I meant to talk about myself like you did. I'm just not good at this.....

Mel

PS: I know this wan non-emotional, but hopefully not non-supportive??

 

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poster:AuntieMel thread:379944
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/379980.html