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Re: Do you and your t. say l love you ever? NVDeb

Posted by Dinah on July 10, 2004, at 10:21:05

In reply to Re: Do you and your t. say l love you ever?, posted by NVDeb on July 10, 2004, at 6:26:15

I've told my therapist I love him a few times, being careful to explain context. He always tells me that he's touched or something, that he understood that I didn't mean *love* love, and he once told me that while he couldn't say he loved me because of boundaries, he could say that he cared deeply about me, and that he didn't think that what he meant was all that different from what I meant. It's now a part of the background context of our relationship.

She may or may not react the way you'd like her to, so it's always a risk to tell her that. But telling anyone you love them is a risk. And a life without risks is a life without a lot of rewards as payoff either.

As far as hugging, my therapist has always told me that I should ask for *whatever* I want in therapy. I might or might not get it, we would discuss it in either case, but that if I didn't ask I definitely wouldn't get it. I don't really want hugs from my therapist, but when I'm feeling really unsettled I ask him for a handshake. What I've always been struck by is that his actual touch isn't really as satisfying as his "emotional holding", but then my therapist is really particularly good at emotional holding.

BTW, kudos to your therapist for being flexible. In reading what you brought her for a long time before asking you to read to her, she gained your trust. Sounds like you have a good one there. :)




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