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Re: Prodigal therapy client returns LG04

Posted by Dinah on June 28, 2004, at 17:00:28

In reply to Re: Prodigal therapy client returns Dinah, posted by LG04 on June 25, 2004, at 10:49:55

I think you've hit the major disadvantage of long term therapy with the same therapist. Mind you, there are plenty of advantages. But I think there comes a point where they've said it all before and you've heard it all before and it gets to be a bit old. For example, if I say X I know he'll say Y, and he pretty much always does say Y. Because he knows me so well, there are very few bad misses where he totally misses the boat. But there are plenty of areas where I think he's offered all he can in the way of fresh ideas.

> Dinah, I just wanted to tell you that I have felt the same way before. In fact, my therapist once really snapped at me (on the phone). I was so upset and hurt. It's never happened before or since (this was some months ago). But at one point when we were discussing it afterwards and working thru it, she admitted that she probably wouldn't have snapped at most of her clients that way, that it happened because of how close she feels to me. (I caught her in a really bad mood.)
> I felt like, "well i'd rather you be less close to me and not snap at me."

See, mine would never say that he felt close to me. But he has said on occasion that he sometimes forgets to keep his therapist hat on, that he sometimes forgets to watch his words as much as he would with clients he hasn't seen for nine years. And I have the same reaction. That so often we have the fantasy that we want our therapists to be their genuine selves with us when it just isn't so. I for one would rather have a therapeutic relationship with him.
> As I said, it's never happened again. But once in a while I do think she slips up because of how safe/close she feels to me. I do have problems with her being human and imperfect so I know some of it is my issue.

I don't have any problems with him being imperfect and human. He's been that from the start. :)

> Also, I've also felt a few times lately that perhaps she is tired of me coming in with the same issues and struggles. She always says, "I can understand how you'd feel that way," and I am tired of that response. I want her to DO something, not just say how she understands how I feel.
> But does that ever happen with you, where you are tired of his responses, that they feel to be the same again and again? And then you feel it's because he's perhaps tired of you or run out of ideas? That scares me.
> LG

Yeah, that happens with me. I feel like he might get impatient that I haven't put issues to rest after we've already discussed them. I think he gets frustrated that I'm not "cured". I think he wonders how he can be helpful to me other than by providing stability. I think he's given up on helping me in any way but providing a source of stability. I find that hurtful in some ways, though I realize I've reaped what I've sowed.

Like I said, there are good and bad points in seeing someone for a long time. I'm not always sure whether the good outweighs the bad. But I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter. It's not like I'm going to change therapists or anything.




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