Posted by cubic_me on June 18, 2004, at 9:16:01
In reply to Re: delayed breakdowns-back again, posted by B2chica on June 18, 2004, at 8:06:52
I can really relate to how you're feeling. I sometimes have the 'delayed breakdown' you describe, and it can seem so frustrating when the only thing you want to do is cut, but that's the one thing you don't want to do too.
Trying journaling, music and art first is a good way to put off cutting - I use that too, and if I still have the urge to cut I try to go to a place where I won't be able to. It's easier for me because I live in a shared house, so usually I can just go to the living room and people will be there, but perhaps you could try going for a walk or going to have a look round the shops. It's much harder to SI where people might see you.
I really understand your desire to 'complete' the cut. I get that so often. I have a go at myself again and again because I haven't been able to cut deep enough or they weren't 'proper' cuts. It's hard to resist those urges to make it complete, but its something you've got to try your hardest to do. If nothing else, think of the scarring it will leave you - this is the one thing that stops me from cutting deep often. Have you tried using red marker pen or food coloring to look like blood? maybe you could complete the cut this way. Also, if you cut in the shower, it looks like you are loosing a lot more blood than you actually are, which can satisfy the need to cut more. Don't stay in the shower too long though, as it will stop the wound closing and you could loose a lot of blood.
I'm not advocating your or my cutting, but if you *have* to do it, like I have to sometimes, try to be as 'safe' as you can. Always use a clean blade and was out the cuts with sea salt water after if they are dirty. Cutting your wrists is very unlikely to kill you, but you can severely damage the nerves and tendons to your hands, so please be careful.
I've used hanging as a method of SI, as well as in a suicide attempt, so I can really relate to that teetering feeling.
I'm here if you need me.
cubic x
poster:cubic_me
thread:357559
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040614/msgs/357750.html