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Another perspective? crushedout

Posted by Racer on May 24, 2004, at 21:41:41

In reply to Re: I'm losing all my friends (is this more BPD stuff partlycloudy, posted by crushedout on May 24, 2004, at 21:10:41

Maybe it's because I'm older, but I saw two things about all of this:

1. I think you're onto something about trying to live up to your diagnosis in order to please your therapist. It might be something for you to discuss in session.

2. The friend issue: Oy, vey. There are two sides to this, and both have validity, so I'm not going to offer an opinion, only try to show the sides I see:

On the one hand, yes, it would have been better for the friendship for her to have discussed with you her decision to apply for that job before doing so. That way, you would not have had the whole thing thrown at you as a fait accompli with the feelings of betrayal that brought on. That's a little bit ampliphied by her telling you previously that she wasn't going to apply for the job, too. Yes, you want to be involved with your friend in a good friendship, that's what it's all about, so for major life decisions, like changing jobs, you want to be part of it to offer opinions, advice, support, etc. And your friend telling you that she just couldn't talk to you first must feel as though she was skulking around behind your back -- betraying you.

On the other hand, major life decisions have to be made by the person who's life is involved. Meaning, she really didn't need to have your approval before applying for that job. If that was not the right job for you, it might still be the right job for her -- and neither one of you would have been wrong, it would just be the fit of the job to the person.

Even without an opinion, I am sorry this happened and distressed you so much. And I'm sorry that this has impaired a friendship that meant so much to you. Give it a day or so to stop hurting so much and think about calling her to see if the two of you can repair whatever damage was done.

Good luck.




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