Posted by crushedout on May 22, 2004, at 0:06:13
My brother's graduating from college in a few weeks and I'm supposed to go up for the weekend with my whole family. But my cat is very sick and I have to take care of him all the time. My cat is like my child; he is more important to me than my human family. He's much more loving and consistent and dependable than they are. I hope that makes sense.
Anyway, I told my parents that I couldn't go unless I bring my cat, because I need to take care of him. This is really only a minor inconvenience, but my stepmother has passivly aggressively been acting all put out about it (passively aggressively, mind you, so I can't even really respond to it directly, since she is not direct). This wounds me deeply. Rejecting my cat is like rejecting me. I can't explain it or defend it -- it's just how I feel. Besides, I don't want to feel like I'm being a pain or a burden. So now I don't want to go.
This hurts my father, who's completely innocent here. And it causes my stepmother to say that I care more about my cat than my brother, which entirely misses the point. Now she tells me, "Look it's not a big deal, the bottom line is we want you to come so forget I said anything about the cat." But it's too late -- I can't forget. So, if I go, I'll feel like a burden, a pain, and I'll be unhappy. If I don't go, I'll break my father's heart and ruin everybody's weekend (according to stepmother), and if I leave the kitty home, well, then I'll be a nervous wreck and more resentful than you can imagine.
The whole thing just makes me want to never see my family again. Or kill myself. Which seem like drastic options which is why I think maybe I have BPD. Is this BPD? How do you cope with the just wanting to bail out feeling? It is so strong. I feel so hurt and alone. All I have is the kitty.