Posted by B2chica on May 21, 2004, at 12:29:20
In reply to Re: shared experiences....thanx » B2chica, posted by Angel Girl on May 21, 2004, at 11:42:22
wow, like lookin in a mirror. JH and HS i had male friends also, i had one Girl in JH and one in HS both f$%&ed me over BIG ways so i stuck with guys since.
IRL=in real life (aka not online)
>>guilt is a major issue for me.
-boy understatement of the year...understand that one. My T wanted me to list some times that i feel guilty and i wrote out two pages (front and back!) we haven't even gotten past one yet. -not one page, one topic!
>>I think if I could discover 'who' I really am and resolve the above issues, then 'maybe' some of my other issues will iron themselves out.
-just remember to be patient, this all takes time and never easy.
> I think I will contact the pdoc I've met before at the Center for Mental Health and Addiction for another 2nd opinion. He was extremely good and actually is also a professor...
EXCELLENT idea. Good for you!
> I've started to journal but because I'm not used to doing it, I tend to forget about it, ie: the last 2 days.
--don't worry about if you skip days or not, just write when you can or when you remember, soon it will become automatic.
>>Unfortunately at this point I have absolutely no recollection of the day before last. I have no idea what transpired that day.
I forget whether I've taken my meds, I forget the way to get to doctor's offices....I think I'm losing reality now. I don't know what is or what isn't. I get everything confused.
I understand exactly, but lucky for me i reached my peak while i was in the hospital. i actually would repeat myself to my husband like three times in a row with only a minute or so separation, he would look at me and say "you just said that" and i literally did not recall that. My husband would ask me a question, one minute later i would ask him that same question. The nurses would ask me questions and i'd answer them twice...felt like a loonatic, actually more than anything it scared the crap out of me, i was literally living second by second.
Point being, this seems to be part of the rapid cycling or mania. Also, have you asked your pdoc if you may have ADHD? when i went to new pdoc that's the first thing he tested me on and out of about 15 questions i answered about 13 yes- he looked at me and said "all of these?"- i said "yep, that's me to a T". So it was VERY strong. The strattera has helped but not HUGE difference, i feel like i did before all this avalanche started. i still have some memory issues but not the scary kind anymore.
>It's so sad that I've let it go on for so long without getting the help that I've needed. That in itself makes me more depressed. :(
--Please don't do this...leave all this in the past. You can't go back in time and change this, that is what makes up our path in life. Believe me everyone would constantly be going back in life to change mistakes that they would miss all the new living. Don't go there. Just start from where you are. You should be VERY proud of yourself NOW, for you getting help, Especially for being your own Advocate and getting a second opinion! For understanding that some meds work and others don't and YOU"RE the only one that can truly tell. Besides, there's enough else out there to be depressed about. This is not one of them. I am VERY happy about the decisions you've made, you should be too, you should be proud of yourself. Feel confident about this decision making. DON'T listen to anyone else...You done GOOD Chica!
later Angel Girl.