Posted by Angel Girl on May 18, 2004, at 23:03:06
In reply to Doing things » Angel Girl, posted by Ilene on May 18, 2004, at 10:03:48
> One of the reasons I give a run-down of my activities is so I can look back and realize I *did* do something. I've been feeling better lately, but that's a relative term. I'm still depressed and anxious, and I get knocked back pretty easily.
Unfortunately for me, there would be very few days that I would even accomplish anything. Somedays I don't even get dressed. I totally lack motivation. I will look at something and know it needs doing and I want it done but I can't seem to find the energy or even the desire to put the effort into actually doing it. It does make me feel better once it is done but in reality (mine anyways) it will end up back in the same condition before long anyway so what's the point is what I tell myself. If anybody came knocking unexpectedly at my door, I would pretend I wasn't home. If I was to journalize like you do, I would find extremely little positive things to say each day other than the fact that I at least got out of bed, but I'd probably be taking a nap later in the day so maybe one cancels out the other. I don't get anxious unless I have to deal with people or go out. When I'm in my 'comfort zone' I just have to deal with my never ending depression, lack of self-esteem and self-worth and motivation. I just exist and nothing more. How sad is that? But sad as that is, I still can't find the motivation to change it. At this rate, I'll never get back to work. I've been off since October 2001 on long term disability.