Posted by babbgal on May 18, 2004, at 14:39:05
In reply to Re: issues with talking in sessions... » B2chica, posted by finelinebob on May 14, 2004, at 14:40:54
B2chica, I hope I'm not jumping in at the last minute; I'm new here, and your posting touched me...
I am a cutter, too. I have an agreement with my T. that I call him when I cut to report the incident. But he does not issue any ultimatums, and we discuss any incidents in therapy. It's difficult, and he senses when it's hard and when we can talk in depth and when he needs to back off.
Like flb said, I recently started talking about what I **didn't want** to talk about. I told my T. something I have never told anyone, something dating back to high school (I'm 35 now). It was just about the hardest thing I've ever done. My T. said, "Well, here you are, inviting trouble," meaning, "here you are, confronting yourself with some really hard work." I was finally bound and determined to make this therapy more than previous therapy, which I felt was me whining about "day to day" issues, like the fights my husband and I had. I was so disillusioned with past therapy, I felt like I accomplished nothing. I want to really accomplish something with this therapist; get down to the real issues. This therapist is too good to do otherwise; I am ready.
But of course, yes, it is so hard. And yes, there are times when I cut. And when my therapist says, "Now that we're out of crisis mode" -- I started seeing him when I was going through a huge crisist at work; unbelieveable abuse by my boss-- "I need you to take the reins" I am usually quite terrified! Sometimes I can manage to take the reins and sometimes I can't. I have come to be able to say "I can't" and "I don't know." But there are also times when I tentatively take the reins and say things that I think don't make sense in the therapeutic setting, that end up making beautiful sense, and we go with that.
Please don't be afraid. Hugs.