Posted by B2chica on May 15, 2004, at 18:23:11
In reply to Re: Your son... (sorry long) » B2chica, posted by Angel Girl on May 14, 2004, at 14:23:45
about friends...i have two friends at work that i know are good friends and would help me out/have helped me out when needed. But then there are times that i think, they don't Really know, they don't Really care...i feel so alone, and don't want to "pull" them into my...stuff...
-then a couple days later the fog lifts and i realize it was me saying this, not them...maybe it's a sideways paranoia but it's there none the less. Sometimes i feel closer to the people here at babble than anyone else.
And like your friends said, maybe that's what we need right now.
Abandonment is your issue, mine is betrayal so i understand...it's just something we've learned to expect, i guess that's why i don't always let friends in or why i assume they don't REALLY know. i can't let them get that close cuz it hurts that much more when the time comes. The only advice i can add here is that i think if you can you should really try to see a psychologist (therapist) for your abandonment suffering. i'm new to this process but i know i can't live forever like this...it's killing me inside and i know i need help. So if you feel even 1/8th of the pain/hurt i feel Please look for help.
>> I agree with what you are saying about God but to my knowledge isn't BPII a chemical imbalance that we are born with? If so, then this is the way he created me.
-sorry but when i read this my first reaction was a chuckle and the words "smart @$$" came to mind...but yes, this is the way we were created. and to be completely honest i would not trade being bipolar2 for ANYTHING in the world. Through even the worst depression and the worst mania, i love the life that i've been able to experience because of my extreme emotions. I realize this is just IMHO, but it's how i personally feel.
> >...shamful for even wanting to talk about my SO CALLED (pathetic excuse for) PROBLEMS. <end quote>
> Although I agree totally with that, I still feel the guilt. I can't help but to feel like my problems are so small compared to what others have dealt with.
i can't express enough how exactly i feel like this. The bad part is i rock back and forth. At times i'm balled up in bed crying/screaming that i can't take the memories anymore and i need to tell Someone, that i will start talking to my T at the next visit, then by the time i go to my appt. i've all but talked myself out of it by the above self conversation of how trivial mine are and i'm selfish for even thinking anyone would care...guilt, guilt...etc. etc...
> I strongly believe that unless you're experiencing any kind of mental disorder, you truly can't understand what the person is going through no matter how hard you try.
-i used to think that my one "gift" in life was that i could truly empathize with others, i could infact really understand each persons pains and distraught, partially because of my life expereiences (i was off and on suicidal growing up...now i know why). But when my depression hit new levels, once i came above water again i realized that NO ONE unless they've experienced that could EVER understand. So maybe this is just one more reason Bipolar is a Dx in my life. Maybe...just maybe my experiences may help one more person seek out help or be a little less judgemental? who knows.
And (((((Angel Girl))))), right back at you. you made my day with that cyber hug...i'm REALLY needing it this weekend.
> Angel Girl