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Re: A little better fallsfall

Posted by Dinah on March 19, 2004, at 16:05:34

In reply to Re: A little better crushedout, posted by fallsfall on March 19, 2004, at 14:45:47

Falls, for what it's worth, I think Terror is as likely as Anger. Or both mixed in. If you are counting on him to be a wise sage who always knows what's best for you, then any "slip" on his part that makes you doubt that about him would inspire terror as well as rage. Like when we needed our parents to be such and such a way, and they weren't. We were too young to manage on our own. Our parents had to be competent and benevolent, or we were in deeeeep trouble.

So if they were cruel or incompetent we would both be angry with them, and feel scared of what would happen to us, until we were able to prop them back up into what we needed them to be.

My therapist always tells me that he's bound to disappoint me if my expectations of him are too high. And I think over time (nearly nine years) we've come closer to matching expectations and performance. And when I do have an unrealistic view of him, I kind of know and accept that. I let myself know that it's what *I* need, not who *he* is.

So maybe your therapist isn't all wrong, and neither are you. And maybe he isn't all knowing, and maybe you don't need him to be. Maybe he even screws up royally sometimes (don't we all?) and maybe that's ok.

 

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poster:Dinah thread:325785
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040313/msgs/326155.html