Posted by judy1 on March 18, 2004, at 11:25:58
In reply to Re: please help me » judy1, posted by noa on March 17, 2004, at 19:27:10
i think it's pretty obvious that this- termination- is my big trigger. i have called and e-mailed my pdoc. when i call i break down and cannot speak so with e-mail he made it clear that it is best that i get a pdoc closer, that he wasn't being a 'proper' dr. to me, that it is not 'personal'. i was supposed to see my therapist this morning but had a car accident after dropping my son off at school. no one was hurt. i am going to take something so i can sleep now. but i didn't want anyone here to worry, i remember how upset i would get when someone posted something that frightened me and i would keep worrying until they said they were ok. i am not ok but i will not kill myself. those who know me know my dad killed himself and my children are too young to go through that. but i am certain that i cannot be helped and i don't know what kind of life that is. mair you are probably right that my thinking is distorted about some things, but i think it is clear about never getting well. it is like a cancer patient in stage 5 going through all the stages of denial and coming to acceptance. i accept that pdocs will continue to terminate me- terminate sounds like murder doesn't it?- because they will eventually discover that they cannot help. emmy and racer thank you for the offer of e-mail and ch and noa that you for the support. dinah, you are always so kind to me. i hope i didn't leave anyone out, i am very grateful for your support. i am sorry this is so long, i'm crying so i'm going to stop. take care and thank you again- judy
poster:judy1
thread:325177
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040313/msgs/325642.html