Posted by crushedout on March 10, 2004, at 10:34:29
In reply to Re: Question for KindGirl, posted by KindGirl on March 10, 2004, at 9:13:45
KindGirl,Thank you so much for sharing this. It was exactly what I wanted to know.
To be perfectly honest with you, the whole sounds *extremely* weird to me, and I really don't mean this in a judgmental way. I'm keeping an open mind about whether it's good or not at this point. I take it you don't have *erotic* tranference issues with your T? I can't remember. I think that changes the context a lot.
At the same time that I find it weird, I'm *extremely* envious and upset that I can't have this with my T. I want it more than anything (even more than having sex with her, which I want pretty badly). But I'm 99.99% sure she would never do this with me. And part of me thinks that's wise but another part of me thinks it's just really tragic.
*Please* don't be sorry for any of what you wrote, or for any of the feelings you evoked in me. I asked for it, and I'm glad you shared. So, thank you so much.
> Sorry, Crushed, I didn't get on the computer till this morning. Sure, not a problem, I will share.
>
> The first time was so awkward. I don't know if you know this is how it started. I left her a message on her machine the day before my appt and said, "I am not feeling like talking tomorrow...do you think we could just listen to some music and you hold me?".....and hung up...terrified!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
> She called and left me a message..."Yes, I would love to hold you. You did a very brave and courageous and wonderful thing in calling me and asking....looking forward to seeing you tomorrow!"....UGH. I was so nervous.
>
> So I go to the appt and hem and haw around stuff for about 20 minutes and she waits for me to take a break in my blabbing and says, "I think we need to do what you asked for on the message." and I kind of moaned and looked at the ground. She said, "Let's just do it, is that okay?"...and I nodded. I gave her a CD and she put it on her stereo which is right by the sofa...she grabbed a pillow to put behind her back and sat next to me with her arms open. I kind of leaned on her shoulder/chest, and she grabbed me with her arms and held them around me.
>
> The best part was when she put her face on the top of my head and kind of kissed my head. It was so sweet. So, that is how it started....
>
> Now, like yesterday...we talked for a long time 40 minutes or so and she said, "Can I ask you a question?" and I said sure. "Would you like me to come over and hold you?"....and I nodded.
>
> That is usually how it goes....I did leave her a message once telling her that I want her to hold me every single session but might not be able to ask and I need her to ask. The first few times I sobbed and sobbed on her...soaking her shirt I think...then I would use my sweater as a buffer and one day she said, "You need a blanket, don't you?"...and that was around Christmas time. A few sessions later she gave me a soft blanket and told me that I could bring it every time and sleep with it so it would be comforting to me and a connection for us.
>
> does all of this sound weird? I am sorry if it does or makes you guys hurt or feel weird about me in any way. Just sharing what you asked. And I love it that she holds me. I was left alone in my crib all the time as an infant and was never held and I feel I really need it.
poster:crushedout
thread:322686
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040308/msgs/322878.html