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Re: scared » toomuchpain

Posted by fallsfall on March 8, 2004, at 6:26:53

In reply to scared, posted by toomuchpain on March 7, 2004, at 21:58:49

Toomuchpain,

I think that I can understand some of the feelings that you are having. I haven't seen my old therapist for 8 months now - and I'm still scared that I might bump into her when I'm in to see my pdoc. In some ways I would love to talk to her, but I'm afraid of what she would say, and what she would not say. It would be nice to feel like there was some closure, though.

If I remember correctly, the two of you had talked about your attraction to him. So that subject is out in the open already. You wouldn't be introducing him to something that hasn't been talked about before.

Maybe you could go there and ask for his help. Tell him that you are unhappy because you miss him, and that you really don't know what to think about the future. Tell him that you really don't like your new therapist, and how she doesn't seem to think that you should be having a problem getting used to not being his client anymore. Obviously, he does care about you (but I'm not really clear on exactly what that means for him, and I'm not sure you are either) - I believe that he would want you to be able to go on with your life (whether that includes him or not). He knows you pretty well (3 years...). He IS a professional.

Ask him to answer for himself if he ever sees a future for the two of you (but you would have to be prepared for him to say "no". - But at this point, wouldn't it be better to hear "no" than to keep on not knowing?? You have seen how painful not knowing can be).

Ask him, as a professional therapist, what he would recommend for you, his former client. How can he advise you to be able to move past your attraction to him (or how long would you have to wait for him to be "free")? What should you do about the fact that you don't like your current therapist? What should you do about the fact that many of us here on Babble have suggested that what she is doing seems not only to not help you, but to be counter-productive?

I would expect that there is no way that he could go back to being your therapist. But that doesn't mean that, in this one session, he can't help you figure out what to do in order to get out of the agony that you are in.

The hard part, from my perspective, will be to ask the hard questions and be open to hearing the answers you don't want to hear. Sometimes the facts are really hard to face. But at least if you know the facts you can start to figure out how to deal with what is going on in your life.

Can someone drive you to this appointment? So you won't have to drive home? So you will have some moral support sitting in the waiting room - ready when you come out?

I'm going to go on record as betting that he does care about you, and that he doesn't want you to continue to be unhappy. I would bet that he will try to help you figure out what your next steps should be to get yourself in a place where you can go on with your life. I think that this would make you happier than you are now.

Be brave, be honest, be open to hearing what he has to say.

(((((Tooooooooomuchpain)))))

I wish you luck.
Falls.

 

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