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Re: Question for everyone -Trigger warning » KindGirl

Posted by antigua on March 6, 2004, at 23:30:59

In reply to Re: Question for everyone -Trigger warning » antigua, posted by KindGirl on March 6, 2004, at 23:17:18

Yes, I always was the first one finished at everything, anything to get away from my father's consistent anger and sarcasm (which wasn't directed at me, BTW, because he had a different way of dealing with me--I mean, after all, I was "special"--what a bunch of lies he gave me, worse yet I believed him.) My mother used to sit at the dinner table, hidden behind the paper while my father heaped abuse on his kids, one by one. Or she would escape on some fictitious errand and be gone for hours.

I know it takes a long time--I've been working on this consciously since my father died 12 years ago, and I still haven't reached the bottom--or the root of it all. I'm beginning to accept that it may never happen and that this is as good as my life may ever get. (Don't get me wrong, I have a good life and really have no right to complain.) I think I'm really coming to this point. Or, as I've said, I'll bury it again because the pain is too much and it will resurface again in a few years, but it will be so much worse.

I have a wonderful T who says the same things yours does--it takes time, and it only comes out when you're ready to handle it, etc. I think I'll be an old woman or dead by then so it won't really matter.

Geez, I sound pretty pathetic. I'm not usually this bad...
antigua


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