Posted by KindGirl on February 28, 2004, at 22:08:02
I know that there are cycles in therapy....but right now I am wanting to push her away...to quit therapy. To go back to the way I used to be. I started therapy to get some strength in fighting my parents (abusers) and to get some coping skills to get through life. THAT WAS IT.
I was NOT looking for a relationship, and certainly not an intimate one at that. WHAT IS THIS? This is not what I want!!!!!I have a lifetime of abandonment and neglect and have survived now for 40 years all by myself, thank you very much. I am married, have kids, function well at my job, am a good friend...but let anyone inside the "inner chamber"? HECK NO.
My T. says what my work in therapy is relationship. To develop a relationship with her where I can trust her and know she is here for me no matter what...that she is not going to leave...blah blah blah.
But right now I am sick about all of this. I think about her all the time. What would she say to me about this? About that? It is almost an obsession and I am way way way way freaked out about it. I miss her constantly and there is nothing I can do to ease the pain. Yes she says to call her between sessions...but you know how it is....I leave a message on her voice mail and she gets back to me the same day...maybe in an hour, maybe in 4. One time I called her and she didn't call back until the next day (it was a weekend and God forbid she has a life outside of ME!).
Why am I pushing her away? Why do I want to quit? Why can't I just get a book on how to get through life and be done with all of this? Do you guys ever go through this? Is my T. right in that I need relationship? How did any of you cope with the shock of what your therapy actually was? I am having a very very hard time tonight and any help is greatly appreciated.
poster:KindGirl
thread:318663
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040225/msgs/318663.html