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Re: Shame - is my therapist perpetuating it? Dinah

Posted by pegasus on February 16, 2004, at 13:54:40

In reply to Shame - is my therapist perpetuating it?, posted by Dinah on February 15, 2004, at 12:10:55

So, since we're not really getting it, here's a slightly different take. Maybe this is closer to what you're getting at? Or maybe not - let us know.

One of my therapy issues is SI. One of the things that my old T was always very big on was making it a less secret thing in my life. It took me 10 sessions with him to even tell *him* about it. With his support, I began to talk about it explicitly with my husband for the first time. And he has always encouraged me to find supportive people in my life and tell them. Now, I haven't done that so far, other than telling my new therapist (in the first session this time!). But his encouragement has affected me. He says that everyone has their stuff, and the people who really care about me would want to know and help. I do think of it as less freaky and crazy and shameful than I used to (sorry to other SI-ers - I just thought I needed to include my negative self talk to make the point). I've considered telling other people. I talk about it here, etc. So, his making it seem less secret has been really helpful.

What I'm getting at is, maybe are you wondering why your therapist isn't doing something like this? Trying to help you accept some of the things that you've had a harder time accepting about yourself. If he's encouraging secrecy about some things, I can see that maybe that could feel anti-normalizing and anti-accepting.

Let me know if I'm getting any closer. Or maybe I'm just saying the same old thing again?

- p

 

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