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Re: And another thing.. » Karen_kay

Posted by Racer on February 3, 2004, at 12:17:23

In reply to And another thing.., posted by Karen_kay on February 3, 2004, at 11:45:34

Argh!!! NO, emotional attachment doesn't mean clinging like a barnacle! You don't have to call anyone 14 times a day, you don't have to get all your needs met in one place, and you don't have to give up your independence and autonomy to form a healthy emotional attachment. In fact, those are symptoms of an UNhealthy emotional attachment.

Here's Racer's Definition of a Healthy Relationship: All parties involved are interdependent -- independent, but engaged in such a way that they can work together as a team, able to provide support without smothering, sharing the joys and the sorrows.

Now, here's another shocker: I've gone through the "...but if someone better comes along..." I think that might be kinda natural, and not necessarily unhealthy. I think it's only unhealthy if it prevents you from forming an attachment to someone you're with, but I could be wrong about that. That's just an opinion. I think it happens to me when I'm abivalent about committing myself to a relationship for fear that I'll be abandoned, or abused in some way, or just let down. It's tough to get past that.

As for the T, I think he's wrong to say that HE can correct it in you, by fostering an emotional attachment to himself. (My own mistrust of anyone who thinks it possible to "fix" someone else.) I think his proper role is to help focus you as you explore what forming emotional attachments might look like. Does that make sense to you? Also, I think the whole idea of the attachment to him, when you know he'll be out of your life sometime, is part of the therapeutic relationship issue farther up the board. You know, the whole thing about "just because it's a formally structured and limited relationship, doesn't mean it's not *real*"

Good luck. And keep the posts coming. You bring up a lot of questions I'm asking, too, and from a new perspective. I don't know if my responses are of any use to you, but your questions are sure helping me!


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