Posted by thewriteone on February 3, 2004, at 3:51:23
Well, I went in kind of telling myself that I had to keep it together. I took in a card for my T that I had written out prior. There were some things I wanted to say to her that I thought I'd better write down. The previous week I became overcome with emotion and thus became a stuttering idiot. I didn't want to repeat that on my last session with her.
I drove right in talking about this dream I had this morning, which I found disturbing, but at the same time I was just trying to not think about the fact that I wouldn't be in that room again. After we talked about my dream, it got quiet and that's when I lost it. I couldn't stop crying and she just looked at me all pitiful-like. I found myself really angry with her because the separation wasn't affecting her the same way, or at least not to me. She asked me what I was feeling and I just told her I was angry. She asked me if it had to do with her and I said, "yes." She wanted me to explain it, but I refused. She asked me to please not leave that way. I couldn't speak. I tried several times, but I just couldn't speak. I stopped myself and took several long deep breaths and was able to regain my composure to some degree. I explained why I felt angry and she assured me that she was attached to me, too, and that she just expressed it differently. I still don't know if I believe her, but I'm glad she said that.
The end came and she told me she was going to miss me and she hugged me for a long time. This was one of the most painful things I've ever experienced, but I'm glad it's over. I know I'm not done grieving this loss, but I at least feel like I'll be able to get through it now.
poster:thewriteone
thread:308764
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040131/msgs/308764.html