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Re: today in therapy..ashamed of myself... » Pandabear

Posted by Dinah on February 2, 2004, at 22:36:57

In reply to today in therapy..ashamed of myself..., posted by Pandabear on February 2, 2004, at 19:10:23

Oh, please don't feel ashamed. :( It leads to so many problems down the road.

I fear that I, too, am a Vampire. I still squirm in shame when I remember my bestest friend having to gently and kindly tell me that she needed some room. That was back in sixth grade, and she did it with the exquisite empathy and kindness that I found so appealing in her. But my shame was soooo intense.

I did it again with my next friend, at least in part because those years were so difficult for me, and people weren't exactly standing in line to befriend me so I clung to the one I had. She never said a single word to me. But somewhere near the end of the vampire period in question, I realized myself what I was doing and set her free.

After that I was so ashamed of what I had done that I overcompensated and failed to form close friendships at all for fear of harming those I cared about. Believe me, that is a poor answer to the problem, and all caused by shame.

So as a battle scarred elder, can I ask you to try to see past the shame with your therapist's help. There is no need for shame, and it will just end up hurting you. If there are things that you can change to enhance your relationships with others, just see them as that. Not as shameful aspects of yourself, but just as relationship habits that can be changed to help make your life better.

It sounds as if your therapist is really giving you some challenges. That shows a lot of confidence in you on her part.

 

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poster:Dinah thread:308644
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