Posted by Penny on January 14, 2004, at 11:52:20
In reply to snapping out of it, depression is selfish, posted by cordy on January 14, 2004, at 11:20:39
First let me say bravo on realizing that what you said might not have been the most constructive way of trying to help your friend. One of my biggest gripes on this board and elsewhere is that people who have never suffered from depression can't possibly understand what it's like for those of us who have. A while ago I started a thread on the social board (and I'm sure there's been more than one!) about the worst things someone can say to someone who is depressed. Here's a link.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030626/msgs/238151.html
As for what to do now - yes, I understand where you are coming from in that you haven't suffered from depression yourself and it might seem like a selfish illness. But realize that all illness in the way you describe it is really selfish - illnesses are only about the person who has the illness, really. Cancer, diabetes, mental illness, etc. - these are not contagious - they are affecting the sufferer directly and others only indirectly. But they ARE illnesses. Mental illness is not something someone makes up - trust me, if I had a choice, I certainly wouldn't choose to be depressed.
Anyway, to answer your question, I would tell her that you did a little research and that you realize that what you said to her was probably not what she needed to hear, and that you apologize. Tell her that you know now that there are many others who feel like she does. Ask her what you can do for her. She may not know what to tell you. Tell her about this site - it's a great place to get support. Offer to listen - but, and this is KEY - don't try to FIX her problems. Because you can't, no matter how much you want to. If she hasn't seen a therapist or a psychiatrist, ask her if she'd like you to HELP her find someone. If she'd like you to go with her to the first doc visit. Be patient. Realize that she is probably seeing the world through a bit of a haze right now (or in total darkness, perhaps), but that this is a medical condition - it is not something that she can just snap out of, and I promise you, she wishes she could. We all do.
Thanks for posting and for taking the time to educate yourself about your friend's illness. You obviously care a great deal.
Feel free to post back anytime.
Penny
poster:Penny
thread:300616
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040110/msgs/300634.html