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Re: Where does working through get you???? » gardenergirl

Posted by crushedout on January 13, 2004, at 21:05:37

In reply to Re: Where does working through get you????, posted by gardenergirl on January 13, 2004, at 20:12:20

> That is a good question. I can't say it's universally helpful, because I'm not sure that anything is. But I know that it can help take the intensity of the feelings down, or it can clarify confusion.
>
> Let's say jypothetically that someone has a mother transference, and wishes the therapist would take on the role of a good, nurturing, validating mother. This wish may lead to feelings of dependence and then frustration as the therapist doesn't meet their needs. Instead of being tossed between feeling attached and feeling let down (which may be similar to the person's feelings about their own mother), you could talk about it. Opening up this way may help with understanding another relationship which lets you down, or may help with recognition of why their feelings seem so confusing. Ideally, this working through would then lead to the person having a sense of more choices in behavior in response to triggers related to the ransference. You would be working from a more conscious place than if you never had the transference and working through.
>
> Does this make any sense? It definitely depends on how it is worked through. Just admitting a transference and having the T say, "oh, okay" and not processing it is not really helpful, IMO.

Makes tons of sense. Problem is for me, my "transference" (and I have to admit, I don't think it's transference anymore than my love for my last girlfriend was "transference") doesn't remind me of my relationship with either parent in any way. It only reminds me of every time I've ever been in love. Except this time, it's more intense. Because this time, I think I've really found the right woman for me.

So I don't really see where this is going. And expressing my feelings for her to her hasn't made them decrease even slightly. Actually, they just keep intensifying. Maybe I just need to give it more time, but I honestly don't see happening what everyone says is supposed to happen. Although, despite this horribly painful unrequited (unrequitable?) love I'm experiencing, I'm making great progress in therapy and on myself. I can hardly believe it, it's so great.

But I'm hopelessly, desperately in love and I don't see me getting over that anytime soon.


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