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you're right of course Rigby

Posted by crushedout on January 9, 2004, at 0:49:57

In reply to Re: T is relieved -- should I be, too? crushedout, posted by Rigby on January 8, 2004, at 18:33:23

I totally agree, Rigby. The thing is, I was kinda still deluding myself into hoping that she had poor boundaries and would end up getting carried away again and this time run off with me. Unfortunately, I think she's actually a good therapist. She hasn't told me either that she's attracted to me or repulsed by me, and I know that neither would be helpful. (What she did tell me was that she wanted to fix my loneliness by giving me the CD but instead only made it worse, so she realizes now it was a mistake.)

I'm still not so sure about the "knowing" her part. It's true I don't know her annoying day-to-day habits and all that. But I truly feel like I have an excellent sense of her as a person, her likes and dislikes. Part of this is because she does perhaps have fewer boundaries than she's supposed to have, and has told me a lot of personal information about herself. Another part may be me deluding myself.

But in any case, I'm glad you're rooting for me and I think I'm making progress. It really is three steps forward, two steps back, or whatever, often. I've been a lot more honest with her, and with you, etc., about my feelings, and I think that's a good way to move past them.

Thanks, as always, for your excellent advice and support.

> I think if you know your therapist well--like you really do know them like you'd know a friend then they've done a poor job with boundaries. Sometimes though we think we know someone well b/c the energy is there but, when the energy calms down (like being enfatuated) then, well, then that's when the "knowing" begins. It can be inspiring or depressing--usually more the latter than the former at least for me!
> (1) I do think I know her pretty well (and, perhaps unfortunately, she thinks I do, too -- she told me so yesterday). Still, you're right that I don't know her well enough that this can really be only about her. It's only partially (only a small part?) about her. The rest is about me, that's for sure.
> If there's not a great reason as to why this will benefit you, her telling you *her* feelings then, again, boundaries are not being properly drawn. If she tells you she has feelings for you but you can't be together that'll only serve to fuel your frustrations and hopes. If she tells you she's not interested romantically then you'll be really depressed. I don't see how you win in either case.
> > (2) I think she is going to tell me about her feelings for me. She told me she was going to be very explicit about this.
> I just hope that this situation is helpful to you--that it's not about distraction--substituting one obsession or addiction for another. Crushes have always been like drugs to me--getting off of 'em is tough. Good luck--I'm routing for you.
> > Still, your bottom line sounds right on the money and I need to absorb what you've told me and really try to put it into action. How, I wonder? But I'll have to figure that out.




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