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Girl, you have to start getting some sleep! Elle2021

Posted by Karen_kay on January 8, 2004, at 12:27:41

In reply to Re: Another late night? Karen_kay, posted by Elle2021 on January 8, 2004, at 2:54:46

How do you get by with never brushing your hair?
*?? I just do. I don't have to brush it. It isn't messy or anything really. It used to be really messy (when my neice used to ask about it) but now it is sleek and shiny. Now I'm in this "phase" where I'm overly concerned with my appearance-I want to look like I have it together so I can fool myself into believing I do. I know it isn't true, but still. Everybody has their something.

Is it in a weave?
For some reason this made me laugh. I guess some people think because you don't brush your hair it is ratty. My hair is fine so I just don't have to brush it. It's not fine like a cat's hair fine, but it is fine. No, I don't have a weave.

I can't imagine your clothes not matching! Especially after the thread about therapy fashion disasters! :) I also have mostly black and white clothes (to match my black and white thinking, hehehe). I find they really do match just about everything, so it's easy to get dressed in the morning.
*I never thought about the black and white wardrobe to match the black and white thinking! Hmph! When I was in high school and first starting college I was a punk! But, I had to sit out of school for a while a find a semirespectable job and grow up, so I had to learn to dress myself. IE. finding clothes that matched. I know which clothes look good together and everything. But, I just did an inventory on my clothing stock and found that I pretty much stick with basic black and white, with a little bit or khaki thrown in for color! It's strange that I own so much black though, considering the fact that I do laundry once a day.

One time I emailed my pdoc and he never emailed me back and then didn't even mention my email in the next session I had. My feelings were hurt. I didn't bring it up.
*Yeah, if he doesn't call me back, I'd rather him not bring it up. I don't want to hear some lame excuse. I'd rather think that he just didn't get my message. There was another time that he didn't call me as well. I had a flashback and I called him twice the morning of my appointment, which again is very rare for me. I didn't tell him I had a flashback, I didn't even know what it was. I just called to try and get my appointment switched to an earlier time. He didn't call me back. When I saw him that afternoon he said, "I noticed you called me again." I just ignored him and told him what happened. I figured the best way to put him in his place is to hake him feel like crap by letting him know what I was going through and showing him how he is never there anyway. (And see, this makes me wonder. This statement I just made. Like, "I'll show him" Is that me being spiteful Karen or is it BPD?) Man, maybe he really is a jerk... Maybe it is just my black and white thinking? Hard to say.....

Like you said, if your bf breaks up with you, you aren't going to commit suicide. Neither would I. I haven't ever threatened to commit suicide or anything like that.
*I haven't ever threatened to commit suicide because my boyfriend says he's going to leave me or anything like that. I have actually attempted suicide 2 times. But, both times I was severely depressed (before I was on the current medication I am taking now and is working WONDERFULLY!!!!!! YAHOO!!!).. So, it has nothing to do with BPD, and maybe something to do with Bipolar, maybe nothing to do with it? I don't know. Maybe it just has everything to do with me? No, I'd have to say honetly it had eerything to do with being depressed, because since I've been on a medication that actually works to stabilize my moods, I feel so great! But, yeah. It does drive me crazy to think that my therapist would assume that I would do something so silly and juvinile. But it bothers me. Because he's supposed to know me too. And if he misunderstands me that much, how much help can he really be? He's just got the wrong idea of me completely, based on what he's read in some book. He's not listening to what I tell him, you know? I had this discussion with him last week... I am a bit upset because he only hears the bad things aobut me anyway. After all, I'm not there to change the good things. So, he has a certain picture of me in his head. So, why wouldn't he make assumptions about me? It's a no win situation. I'm going to be apt to start wasting my time talking about the Finer Points of Karen now,jsut so he has a more realistic picture of me. At least then he won't make false assumptions based on DSM criteria. Man, I'm still mad!

You know, sometimes I feel like my pdoc doesn't even think therapy will help me. I refuse to divulge anything personal. It's really a problem for me. I just can't bring myself to tell him about anything except my OCD (and even that is limited disclosure).

*I was that way too! My therapist said I was the most resistant client he ever had. And I believe that. It's hard. I have a hard time trusting people. I don't really tell my Pdoc when I have problems with anxiety until I have them for about a month straight. I wait until it gets to the point that I can not take it anymore, and past that point. But, my problem is with denial. I think if I deny that the problem exists, then it will go away. And it worked in the past. I forgot a lot of really bad things, only they came back to bite me in the butt, in different ways and I'm working really hard now to try and remember my own age... That sucks!
Why do you have a hard time talking about your own problems? What is it you fear? If it helps to talk to me, I'll listen. Soemtimes it helps to jsut talk to a computer, soemone you don't have to "look in the eyes"... That stinks. I know sometimes when I'm looking at my therapist I feel like he's judging me, wondering why I "didn't leave" or why I didn't do this or didn't do that. And sometimes I feel like he feels sorry for me. I hate that.

I don't like missing appointments.
**I hate missing appointments! I haven't missed a single one yet. I was even visiting a friend for a week, two hours away and drove back for an appointment rather than change it. Go figure. Maybe you can take a bus? Or have your mom drive you?

Maybe if Shorty got a part time job she might start doing better.

She's tried a part time job a got fired. From her perspective, "It ended bad." Now, if she says it ended bad, it must have ended pretty darn bad. And it was jsut Walmart. That was about the only experience she has ever had with a job. Her uncle also got her a job in a factory where he worked, but she lasted for about a week. Again, she got fired for her temper. She just has these fits of rage when something, anything happens.

I think group therapy is a good idea for her.

She had to be in group one of the many times she was in the hospital. That is what she will be going into when she has to resume therapy. She says she doesn't mind it, but she won't talk unless she is made to. And I'm certain she won't talk aobut her co-dependency on her mother, which is what she needs to be discussing. I can't even discuss it with her. She flies into a fit of rage with me if I try. And detox won't work either. She won't do it unless someone makes her go. She wouldn't go on her own. And her mom gets all kinds of pain meds and such, so she has a supply of sorts. She IM last night saying she was going to SI and it wouldn't happen if her mom would have taken her to get vodka like she wanted. I just don't know what to do... She's been to the hospital and stayed for a week or two at a time, but she never comes back and gets proper therapy like she says she will. Maybe she's a lost cause? Her mom's kinda the same way, was co-dependent on her father..




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