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Re: T is relieved -- should I be, too? Rigby

Posted by crushedout on January 6, 2004, at 21:11:25

In reply to Re: T is relieved -- should I be, too?, posted by Rigby on January 6, 2004, at 20:20:39

oh rigby that makes me so depressed but you're probably right. except, hidden meanings? i mean, she *told* me she was confused, enjoyed my crush on her. do you enjoy someone's crush when it's not reciprocated at least somewhat? i don't.

ok, but that doesn't mean she'll actually break down and sleep with me.

i don't know what to think. i guess i need her to tell me straight up. but she told me that us being lovers "could never happen" and yet i still don't believe it. i refuse to believe it.
i guess i'd need her to be really kinda cruel, and tell me she simply isn't attracted to me, or that she's desperately in love with her husband. but see, i'm afraid that even from a realistic perspective, those two statements are unlikely to be true.

p.s. *what* life outside of therapy? (sadly, i'm only half-joking.)


> Crushed,
>
> I think she's onto yah. ;)
>
> I think you will probably have to let go of trying to find hidden meanings and wishing and hoping and praying she's gonna break and sleep with you. Especially now that it's in the open I'm guessing she's realized her mistake and wants to focus on the work that lays ahead. And my guess is she's relieved about that. She wants to help you. In order for a therapist to be effective they have to be able to walk inside your head. But they also need to keep one foot outisde to be effective too. It sounds like she erred a bit in the direction of being into your head and has corrected herself. Mine did this too. You may keep trying (I did) but chances are if she's good she'll make certain to draw clear boundaries. Again, I may be projecting my experience onto yours but if I had to guess, if she's good, she'll be firmer in the future.
>
> This process has been very intense for you. If you can use what's just happened to you in therapy to examine your life outside the room that'll be awesome. If you don't, if we all don't, then heck all we're doing is helping our therapists put braces on their kids' teeth.
>
> > So, I still haven't seen my T since our last visit, when she apologized for hurting me. (See above thread: "OK, what do you all think of this???")
> >
> > But, because I'm a silly girl, I emailed her on Friday and said, "I know we can't be lovers, but can we please do this?" and I attached a sickeningly cute picture of two kittens cuddling (spooning, to be exact).
> >
> > She replied that it cracked her up (of which I'm glad -- I was hoping to make her laugh with it), but also that she was cracking up partly from relief and that now she was sure we could work through this. I'm confused. What's her logic? Why would that make her feel relieved, do you think?
> >
> > I guess I'll ask her when I see her on Tuesday, but I'm wondering if you guys have any guesses because it perplexes me. I was only half-joking of course. I would love to cuddle with her.
>
>


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poster:crushedout thread:296597
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040102/msgs/297410.html