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Re: Fear of Abandonment - DaisyM fallsfall

Posted by DaisyM on November 18, 2003, at 10:53:29

In reply to Fear of Abandonment - DaisyM, posted by fallsfall on November 17, 2003, at 22:53:56

Hope your dreams were untroubled. Wish mine were.

Sounds like a heavy but important area you have entered into. What is it that makes abandonment/trust so painful? Of all the things I've discovered about myself, realizing that I trust practically no one completely (ok, so not practically!) this is one of the most painful. It isn't the "what happened to me" part -- it is the continuing defense that was set up. Maybe I should be more upset about the "what happened to me" part, but I can't get to those feelings. Except the fear.

I'm sure you will work through this. I know I feel sad about what I've missed. The lost possibilities that require risk. Which is funny, because if you look at my life from the outside, it looks like I'm willing to be risky. It is around my feelings that I've never risked, so the very high price is loneliness. Even in a 20 year old marriage. Even very old friends. Even in the crowds of public service. I'm the "go to" person -- but now I realize that I have no one that I "go to". Except this therapist that I pay. Most of the time I'm OK with that but when we have the this must end at sometime conversation, I get pretty (privately, quietly) freaked out. So my goal is to develop at least one relationship that is really different than what I have now. At least by the time I'm 80! *smile*

Do you have a goal like this? Were you helped by going yesterday? And, if I can pry, how did you manage to bury it and make it stay buried? I am struggling with putting stuff away...and it is effecting how I productive I am.




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