Posted by crushedout on November 7, 2003, at 16:36:46
In reply to Re: sexuality between us, posted by Rigby on November 7, 2003, at 9:29:06
Wow, Rigby. What you write is really impressive and inspiring. It kinda makes me sad but it also gives me hope. Can I ask how long it took you to get to that point with your T? For how long/how often have been seeing your T?I've been seeing mine for about a year and a half, and we've only begun to touch on this transference stuff. It's really hard for me. I always shut down when she brings it up.
We just started seeing each other 3 times a week. Up from two. I really want to work this stuff out, but I'm so slow.
> Hi Crushed,
>
> You'd be amazed what might come out of talking it through with your therapist. For one, PMSing or not, it could seriously take the edge off--which will be a *good* thing. If your attractions are anything like mine, they're all consuming and not exactly pleasureable as if I can't "have" the object of your desire you're miserable. *However* it is amazingly possible to get through it and come out better for it by discussing it with your therapist.
>
> What I did was I was having a lot of highly sexual and romantic dreams about her was I would write them down and email them to her and we would discuss them. Talking about them really helped--it seemed to "click" for me, especially contrasting dreams and romantic fantasies with having a conversation in a room with a therapist. A good therapist will not lead you on but will you lead you towards insights. The last dream I had was amazingly positive and romantic and wonderful and although she was featured in it it was *my* dream and I just realized that it wasn't really about this woman as a person--I simply do not know her well enough to feel any particular way. But what she represented (represents) was key to understanding more about myself. And she analyzed the dream with me and somehow, discussing it with her, really took the edge off the fantasy.
>
> I can still feel attractions towards this woman but it comes and goes and is not a big deal like it was. What I've learned from the process has been very helpful.
>
> Listen to what you're saying--that not being able to sleep with her makes you feel like dying. It's a horrible feeling. I've been there. Trust me, it's so very NOT about this particular woman. Figuring out what it *is* about takes courage and you will get there. The only way out is through.
>
> I'd give it a shot--talk to her. Chances are she's got a good feel already--if not you're giving her more information to help you.
>
> Best,
>
> Rigby
>
>
>
poster:crushedout
thread:275544
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031030/msgs/277555.html