Posted by Adia on October 3, 2003, at 21:52:14
In reply to Therapy can seem so cruel, posted by HannahW on October 3, 2003, at 14:39:03
> I had The Big Talk to my therapist yesterday about feeling rejected by her and the resulting wall of defense I put up around myself. I told her I wasn't going to be able to go any deeper with her in therapy until that issue was resolved, because I still needed to come to a place where I didn't feel like I have to protect myself from her. It feels a little brutal to say that to someone. I wonder if it felt that way to her. A tiny little part of me hopes it hurt.
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> She said, "So what is it that you want from me, an apology? To say I was wrong? Or what would make you feel better about it?" I told her I wanted reassurance. I also told her I had tried to get reassurance from her a couple of other times, but always came up empty. She acknowledged that with an "uh-huh" but then didn't offer any reassurance. Then she steered the conversation away from her and back to me. I'm sure she was displaying very good therapy skills, and it's a Freudian philosophy not to satisfy the infantile wants of patients, but I think it sucks. There were several times that she made me say what I wanted, but then didn't give it to me. I figure the purpose that must be to make me recognize what I want, but then also not be the one to fill that want, but make me find it somewhere else.
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> We did talk about the reasons that she couldn't go out with me, which helped me understand and feel better about it. So mostly it was a good session and I felt better leaving than I did going in. But then last night I felt intensely lonely.Dear Hannah,
I've been thinking of you...
I am sorry you felt lonely...I too sometimes feel lonely after sessions because there is so much happening inside...
I think it was really brave of you to talk with your therapist...
I am sorry though that she didn't give you the reassurance you needed. That hurts...
I honestly feel lucky that my T does reassure me that I am safe with her..and that she values me as a human being and wants to work with me. Sometimes the reassurance doesn't come in words directly, but I feel it when I feel understood by her or truly heard.
I hope you feel heard by your therapist..
I am glad you were able to talk about it with her, it seems she's trying to understand...I would keep on talking to her about how I am feeling...about the loneliness you feel....
JUst wanted to reach out and let you know I am sending you my support....
I can't be of much help in these issues because I feel I really need reassurance or some kind of warmth or to know I matter to my therapist to open up...and I know that a therapist can't fill all those needs that hurt inside...but I feel that a little reassurance...sometimes a gesture, or some comment...helps build trust...
Maybe your therapist has other ways to show reassurance or to show you that it is safe to trust and share with her..Now I value more to feel understood and accepted if I share something and to feel my therapist can truly see inside of me...than to hear "I do care about you"..because I feel that in the way she treats me or responds to me and words are not necessary.
Maybe your therapist has other ways to show you that it is safe.
I do think that you need to build trust with her and that takes time...Thinking of you,
Adia.
poster:Adia
thread:265255
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030925/msgs/265385.html