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Total meltdown from last session

Posted by Tabitha on September 29, 2003, at 2:37:15

I've felt bad since my last session. I've gone from mildly upset to total meltdown. Convinced my therapist doesn't like me. This happened before when I was in her group-- seems like any complaint I have about a group member (in individual session), she turns it back against me, takes their side. I end up feeling attacked and shamed. Normally when I gripe about anyone else in my life she makes me feel supported. Sometimes defends them also, or tries to make me see them more compassionately, but she doesn't turn my complaint against me.

I was telling her I still don't see men as fully human. I realize this is a flaw in me. It's not something I want to hold onto. I want to like men. I want to marry one of them fer cryin out loud! But she really made me feel ashamed of it. She was telling me how unfair it is to group people like that. Duh, like I don't realize that! Every thing I said I don't like about them, she said it's me who has those qualities.

I just came out feeling like she doesn't like me, and is sick of my stuff, and doesn't know what to do with me, and just cares more about the group than me.

I'm so upset I don't want to go back ever. I'm so tired of the confusion. What's the point when the session makes me come out feeling sicker than when I went in?

I've put so much time and energy and money into therapy-- I've let her re-shape my whole thinking. It's practically my religion-- in a sense I put faith into it, as a path to happiness and meaning. When the relationship gets disrupted like this, it shakes up my whole foundation.

Makes me think all her prior support was fake-- this is the true opinion. Like if she'd seen the other people in my life, instead of just hearing my side, she'd have preferred them too.

My individual session isn't til thursday. I'm just outraged I'm going to be swamped with all this all week.

 

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poster:Tabitha thread:264180
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